


Alone again, naturally

by robliz



Category: Holby City
Genre: Berena Appreciation Week 2018, F/F, break-up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-15
Updated: 2018-08-15
Packaged: 2019-06-27 22:43:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15694833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robliz/pseuds/robliz
Summary: Bernie's thoughts as she watched Serena walk away in Primum Non Nocere Part 2





	Alone again, naturally

A single tear escaped Bernie’s eye as she watched Serena walk away for what was very probably the last time. She leaned back on the wall and took a deep breath. So here she was, alone again, as seemed to be her natural state. Serena was in the next room with Jason and Greta and the baby. Her family. With friends surrounding her on the ward. She was going to be fine.

Bernie on the other hand had an ex-husband who hated her, disinterested parents and two children, one of whom was in a foreign country and the other one who still hadn’t quite forgiven her for her affair. She had no friends in the country, her only friends were on tour in various countries around the world. There was no one at all she could call upon, who would help her eat her own body weight in ice cream to help her get over this break-up.

It was for the best, she knew. Serena was finding it all too hard and she couldn’t, wouldn’t, put her through any more pain. Goodness knows she’d had enough in her life already. She loved her far to much to allow herself to be a source of pain in Serena Campbell’s life.

So she had to leave. She drew herself to her feet, legs feeling a little wobbly after all that emotion, and snuck into Serena’s office to retrieve her suitcase. It was strange, being in this office again. The office that they used to share, now belonging to Serena and whichever consultant they shoved in there with her that week. She drew her hand along the back of Serena’s chair. How many kisses had they shared in this room? Three? It could have been more. Serena always looked at her like she was someone she wanted to devour. It was only their strong sense of appropriate workplace behaviour that stopped them most of the time. That and the fact that they rarely shut the blinds.

And it was never just kisses that they shared in here. It was lingering looks, hugs, holding hands, gentle touches to shoulders and backs, more than one back massage, that very memorable arm wrestle. There were far too many memories in this room, both good and bad. She had to get out before they completely overwhelmed her. Or made her turn back, find Serena and insist that she didn’t give up on them, not now, not ever.

She pulled the bright green suitcase out from under the desk and tried not to think about turning up in France with it in tow. How Serena was so thrilled to see her again. How she’d looked so bright and healthy even though Bernie knew she hadn’t completely healed yet. How her silvery hair shone in the bright French sunshine. How her lips felt against hers as Serena kissed her over and over again. It was a good memory and one that in the future she was sure she would be glad of. But not now. Not when she was never going to see Serena again. She didn’t want to be reminded of the good times. She bit back a sob that was threatening to escape and wheeled the suitcase out of the office towards the lift.

Once in the lobby, she realised that she had no idea where to go. Her house had been sold and she’d planned to stay with Serena until her flight back. She sunk into one of the chairs and prodded her phone, trying to bring up the name of a hotel where she could stay. Preferably a cheap one. The cost of the plane tickets had put a bit of pressure on her monthly budget. The first one she found was no good. She and Serena had spent a dirty weekend there early on in their relationship in an attempt to hide the sexual side from Jason. In an attempt at making Serena scream her name. It had worked. Bernie wasn’t sure she wanted to show her face there again, even if she wasn’t avoiding all things Serena.

The next one seemed fine though, situated in central Holby a short taxi ride away. The name was familiar and she thought she could picture where it was. She dialled their number and stood up. She began walking towards the taxi rank as they answered the phone and she booked herself in, trying hard not to wince when she requested a single room. Hanging up the phone, she stood still for a moment, just taking in the hospital. This could well be the last time she set foot in this hospital, the place that brought her and Serena together.

She was broken from her revelry by a hand on her arm. She spun round and found herself face to face with Serena. She barely had chance to register her before Serena was kissing her. Shocked, she let it happen for a moment before joining in. This must be Serena saying goodbye to her. This must be the last kiss. Her heart constricted as she tried not to cry. Having to leave Serena was bad enough but this one last kiss thing was far to painful. And yet there was no way she was pushing Serena away. She’d taken anything she could get from the woman. Serena’s hands were firmly in her hair and she wrapped her arms around Serena automatically before realising what she was doing and stopping her hands before they touched her back. She couldn’t do this, couldn’t touch Serena, ever again.

But as Serena pulled away, she began speaking, fingers still tangled in Bernie’s curls. And as the reality of what Serena was saying broke through the fog in Bernie’s brain, as she realised that Serena didn’t want to break up with her, that she wanted her to wait, she crashed her lips down onto Serena’s and kissed her properly, allowing her hands to wrap around Serena and pull her in closer than close. It felt like coming home.


End file.
